About Me – That’s All About Yourself

I was born in Oregon (around Hillsboro, a suburb of Portland) and eventually migrated ALL over the country. eventually ending up right back where I Started. The place I lived the second longest was Orland Florida, because my father got a job for Disney… This was great in a lot of ways, but the parks get boring if you have daily access. During my experience there I found a lot of things I was into but as time dragged on I realized the women I was attaching to were almost all bisexual and as time has slowly drown on I’ve realized that what’s happening is that the more manly men are slowly being filtered out of my inner network of friends… This is by my own choice. You see I find most males to be an embarrassment-I don’t WANT a0 Wing-Man for the most part because it seems to be everything a guy can to not mention his “Giant penis” or start singing “The hips on my bitch go up and down, up and down” to the the tune of the wheels on the bus-needless to say they are typically more of a hindrance than a help. especially if you’re more interested in intimacy of an emotional variety than actual sex. These men will make it appear like all you care about IS sex

I have a lot of interest-Some male (online video games, violent TV shows) some feminine, Like Michelle branch or Vanessa Carliton or any number of female vanilla pop artist, on the other Extreme I Really like Children of Bodom. I essentially listen to everything that descends from rock. Some say my taste in music rocks. I Don’t know, I seem to like everything. I often feel bigendered in nature. WAY more feminine than masculine though

One of the MAJOR reasons I stopped hanging around most men was because when I was in a relationship they would accuse me of being pussywhipped and it would rapidly become obvious that if I talked about my love for my girl it seemed like a foreign concept for them. “did you get some?” seemed to be the most common question.

I’ve been looking for a long time for someone empathetic and compassionate but willing to take charge… I strongly believe women make better leaders but biologically speaking courtship has become very difficult because it seems a lot of women want a dominant partner. Something I CAN be, but would prefer not to be. you see I’m a very passionate and brave individual and while it’s easy for me INSIDE the bedroom to take charge, I have something of a thing for submission OUTSIDE the bedroom because it seems to be very strongly rebelling against the Patriarchy (Which I acknowledge exist and oppose..) this is a turn on, in a very powerful way, So is feminine empowerment.

I walk thru life pretty much shallowly taking charge of things and emulating masculine experience and taking advantage of masculine privilege where I can but unfortunately my feelings of empathy for women are so strong that I generally feel like sex would be taking advantage of her… maybe that’s why I prefer she take charge. I KNOW from experience WOMEN want sex as much as men do. They just want in a different fashion than we do. Personally I don’t see the fun WITHOUT foreplay and a little teasing before hand.

I’ve often been praised about my level of self awareness. To be able to figure out that I was a switch, to be able to figure out I preferred submission. To know I am very liberal, what school of political thought I belonged to, even when I was only 13. Being able to articulate thoughts that most people were just completely unable to put to words.

I’m a writer. I write poetry. Just Amazon search “Paul Tidwell” (I would be happy to provide anyone interest with a sample of the material nf that ebook by the way) I find this to be pretty much forbidden fot the male gender-and yet I write. I labeled myself a “Mesbian” and this is not something I merely consider to be A sexual orientation, but also a gender in of itself. You see I find it very frustrating when women start talking about how awful men are. One, I Can’t defend men, and two I generally want to join in. For all intents and purposes my gender is woman with a penis who likes women. Even if I am biologically male. hence “Mesbian”

I am sensitive, I consider empathy to be the highest virtue, I occasionally actually get giddy feelings about seeing chick flicks, i really wanted to see he’s just not that into you for instance, adored Notting Hill, etc….i get attached to my female partners (i’m also not sure why people think this is a sing I don’t love myself.) I Care-and yet iI Find I’m NOT allowed to express those feelings of concern or lest face a lack of interest in myself

I don’t go out of my way to defy male gender stereotypes, male gender stereotypes defied me. If you consider gender a performance I’m not interested in acting. I’m not lashing out against my biological gender, I’m not lashing out against the roles society tried to force me on. they simply just don’t fit. OK maybe I AM lashing out against both-I’m upset about them. but moreover they just don’t fit.

I hate it when men say they’re a lesbian trapped in a man’s body because this is typically one man’s quest to get laid. if you really felt that way you’d be looking for a partner, especially sense women are sexual-emotional where as men are sexual-visual. it frustrates me to see users in chat rooms using that angle to appeal to lesbians because it’s how i genuinely and innately feel but I’m not after sex, I’m after a life partner.

A lot of people think I Want to cut off my balls and wear high heels when I express these thoughts. They just don’t get it. You see Gender is not what biology deals you to me, I cannot become something I already am. Thus transition is out of the question. I don’t “loathe my body” or have extreme issues with gender dysphoria I WILL say though I’ve never felt more like me than with my hair tied up in a scrunchy and ponytail. This doesn’t “excite me”-it makes me feel like my face conforms to the true reality.

This is an article that describes how I feel about what society has done to the male gender: http://adf.ly/67r69

It seems to me that society has been desperately grasping for an ideal alpha male, for about 15 years. We’ve been looking for a guy that’s both strong and emotional. We’ve been looking for someone who is strong enough to have the courage to show weakness. However in the past 4 years I’ve witnessed entirely too much shit take place.

Where to start? 1 out of every 3 males I encounter is abusive.
just look up “teen dating abuse” 1 in 3 on youtube

the other one, is emotionally unavailable, even if they get a girlfriend they pay more attention to video games, they’re friends other girls, etc. They never seem to be open to their girls, who find the entire experience like talking to a brick wall.
(This is a personal unbacked statistic. I admittedly don’t have a “Scientific sample size”)

Let’s dig deeper, as a male. Love is not an acceptable emotion The only way we’re allowed to express ourselves is thru raw aggression or pure sexuality. We are confined to binary roles, sex, and violence. Anything that falls outside of these two polarities is considered “too soft” and is crushed with passion.

Never mind that the EXTRAORDINARY evidence seems to indicate that women prefer feminized males-no, this fact has gone utterly ignored for over a decade. Didn’t you see how they went nuts for Hanson? maybe you were supposed to look into that a little bit. Maybe also notice that it wasn’t just the hair, it was the demeanor.

We have had the first wave already hit; the problem with metro sexuality is that it was the supposed feminization of the male gender, as we started to care more about appearance, the problem with it is it turns into an insult to women, in which it implies that they’re only there to look pretty.

I’ve been waiting for TEN years for the males to realize women like gentle, caring, sensitive guys, they had picked up the slack and gotten more aggressive right under our noses-still. it persist The dumbass jocks -still- don’t get it

Gender has been changing for AT LEAST a decade-unfortunately only the women have been the ones changing. Men have stayed relatively the same-hated the same. This is an unfortunate trend that creates an imbalance in the universe. too much masculine energy and everyone is competing and killing each other. too much feminine and the whole culture is about child rearing.

awhile back my ex-brother in law left my sister with her kid and went to china-he doesn’t pay child support and people wonder why I refuse to self-identify as male in spite of having a penis: it’s quiet simple. 99.9 percent of the male populace is either emotionally, physically or sexually abusive or emotionally unavailable and out of touch with his feelings.

And yet in spite of the availability of this research men remain completely oblivious. Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe to some extent I benefit from their ignorance, maybe I should just sit in quiet meditation and realize it doesn’t matter how stupid they are because I’m getting more than them, but I genuinely want to see gender shift I’m tired of being the only being aware of this fact. I know I brood about it being tough to be single, but the realiiy is I HAVE girlfriends …yes plural. It’s just that none of them will acknowledge this to others and none of them wants to be “in a relationship”-it just “it is what is”

I STILL listen to riot grrl music and have sense I was 13. It seems like, for over a DECADE I’ve been encouraging women to be more aggressive while I got gentler. Somewhere deeper inside-I just want outside of this box. I’m tired of MEETING YOUR expectations. I am emotional; I am whole, take it or leave it. I am me.
Sabung Ayam
Buster Williams & Something More

One of jazzs most versatile and esteemed bassists, GRAMMY Award-winner Buster Williams brings his solid, dark tone and highly refined technique (AllMusic) to collaborations with a vast range of vocal, post-bop, and progressive jazz artists. A masterful stylist, The New Yorker calls Williams compositions modern mainstream at its best. Williams co-founded the great jazz combos Timeless All-Stars and Sphere, worked with Betty Carter and Nancy Wilson, and is revered for his exploratory playing in Herbie Hancocks legendary Mwandishi Sextet. Something More features heavy hitters George Colligan (Cassandra Wilson) piano, Steve Wilson (Chick Corea) saxophones, and Lenny White (Return to Forever) drums.Thanks to the Italian Cultural Centre, Vancouver.

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SABUNG AYAM