With the rightful attention in news, urban and pop culture of the realization of violence and abuse in relationships, one must wonder, “What does a healthy relationship look like?” Let’s face it, couples argue and words hurt, Wordfare. In relationships, we have a tendency to get real comfortable and lose our appreciation for our significant other. In the art of wordfare, there are simple tools to building a healthy relationship, otherwise known as the 3 C’s of a Healthy Relationship, communication, compromise and cultivate, that will help any couple go from unhealthy to healthy when arguing with each other.
First, communication in relationships is important. I think it’s safe to say that everyone recognizes that. Okay, you also know, that “it’s not what you say, but how you say it”. That means you took the time to recognize the emotion you were in; instead of reacting to the emotion you were feeling. So take your time in choosing your words. If necessary, use silence. Silence buys everyone time to gather their thoughts and acknowledge what they are feeling (emotion). Also, have purpose when you speak. You have to know what you are trying to accomplish or resolve when you speak. Using this time will also take you to the 2nd C, compromise.
When you are communicating, you are trying to discover something or complete a task, in this case, build a relationship, but – Do you know your value? Oftentimes, people seek relationships without ever thinking that if “relationships are a give and take”, then that means there will actually come a time when they will have to give ..a lot (at least, it may feel like a lot). What I mean, though, is compromise. So, I ask again, do you know your value? Do you know what you will compromise to maintain a balance in your relationship, to actually humble yourself to someone that makes you vulnerable (and we all can feel that).
Now, this moment of vulnerability is where your help mate, spouse, significant other, etc. has the responsibility to cultivate, my 3rd C, the trust that is being shown when a person is willing to compromise. Relationships are about growth. Cultivate your relationship. Your relationship should grow as you expect to grow as a person. You don’t expect to be the same person in 5 years, do you? So, why would you expect your relationship to remain the same, if you both changed? The change that hopefully happens with 3 C’s of a Healthy Relationship -communication, compromise and cultivation leading you on your journey to a happier and healthier relationship!
Neek, The Love Coach
Sex, Relationships & the Love in Between…
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